Anything
by sherstielicious
Summary: "I will do anything to see you again. Anything." Johnlock slash. Warning- character death/suicide. Rated T for upsetting events (If I say more it will spoil the story, but there are no sex scenes).


A/N- I think this is the saddest thing I have ever written. I cried a bit. Okay, a lot.

WARNINGS- Minor self harm mentions, depression, character death, suicide, minor slash (Johnlock) themes.

oOo

_I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad,_

_but the dreams in which I'm dying, are the best I've ever had._

oO~John~Oo

I am numb. Completely and utterly numb.

The world moves around me, a joyful, bright blur, but I am cut off from it. I cannot be happy anymore.

Every night, I relive it. The fall, your death. These nightmares haunt me, but some part of me welcomes them, embraces them. They may break my heart into a thousand pieces, but they give me a chance to see you again. It's funny, in a sad sort of way; these nightmares in which you die are now the best dreams I have. The only dreams I have.

Sometimes I sit for hours, wondering, barely daring to hope, that somehow, maybe, just maybe, that you will walk though that door like nothing happened, that you will be alive again. A small part of my mind tells me that this will not happen, that you are dead, that you have been dead for three years, but my heart tell me that you are alive.

My heart is a liar.

oO~Sherlock~Oo

I wonder how you are. You have probably moved on by now, with a life, a family. Or not. You were so loyal.

I have waited. Three years. Now I have no more reasons to wait. You are safe. I can come home now. Home to you.

oO~John~Oo

You are never coming back. You can never come back. You are dead. You are dead and the world is cold. I am numb.

Completely numb.

I want to see you again. I will do anything to see you again.

Anything.

oO~Sherlock~Oo

I will see you again soon. How will you react? Will you be glad to see me? Or will you hate me? Hate me for what I have done. What I did for you.

oO~John~Oo

The bottle of pills is cold in my hand. I spill them out onto the table, thinking. Is this my choice?

Yes. My choice is you.

I swallow the pills and sit back in what was once your chair. Now all I have to do is wait. Wait to see you again.

oO~Sherlock~Oo

I am running now. Running because I cannot wait. Cannot wait to see you again. I open the door. You are sitting there, looking right at me. You do not see me.

But I see.

I see everything.

The pain in your eyes. The heartache on your face. The pills on the table.

You are leaving. Leaving for me. You do not know I am still here.

I want to tell you not to leave. I am here, John. Here. You do not have to go.

I am by your side now, desperately clutching your hand. Stay with me.

Is this what it was like for you when I fell? Begging me to stay when you knew I was leaving. Now I am the one begging.

You finally see me. I can tell by the recognition in your eyes. But it is too late. You are almost gone now. Now, now when you want to stay most is when you must go.

Cruel, isn't it? That fate would bring us together again, only to rip us apart.

Your eyes are closing. You are leaving.

Going.

Going

Gone.

I am broken.

oO~John~Oo

My vision is blurring. I am so tired. There is warmth around me, but I feel cold.

Is this what death is like? A quiet drifting away? No. Death is painful. Death is ugly and messy. This is a beautiful relief.

And I will see you soon.

I am almost gone.

Something is happening. You. You are there. I see you.

Half of me want to laugh in joy, but I cannot move. Half of me wants to cry, for this must be my imagination.

I can feel your hand on mine, hear your voice calling my name. Asking, pleading, begging me not to leave.

Now, now when I want to stay most is when I must go.

Cruel, isn't it? That fate would bring us together again, only to rip us apart.

My vision is going dark now. I am leaving.

Going.

Going.

Gone.

oO~Sherlock~Oo

You are gone. You are gone and I am broken.

I will do anything to see you again.

Anything.

Now the pills are in my hand. Now I have taken them.

And I am leaving. Leaving to see you again.

oO~John~Oo

_We are together again. Together. Walking through a field of white flowers. A lifetime ago you said you were not an angel. That is no longer true._

_Now you have wings._

oOo

I'd like to thank all the readers and reviewers.

Please note that this is a one-shot, so there will not be a sequel.

Thank you, and farewell.


End file.
